NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED: "Governmentium"
A major research institution, The Republican Party Institute for Advanced Studies, has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
Governmentium. Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 deputy neutrons, 75 assistant
neutrons, and 224 deputy assistant neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. A
minute amount of Governmentium causes a reaction to take 4 days to
complete, when it would normally take less than a second. It does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium’s mass
will actually increase over time since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element
that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons
The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a ‘post turtle’." Not being
familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was.
The old rancher said, "When you’re driving down a country road and you
come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post
The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to
explain, "You know he didn’t get there by himself, he doesn’t belong
there, he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, and you just
want to help the dumb bastard get down!"